You Don’t Know Dick

In the wake of a family tragedy and a stagnant, sexless relationship, struggling actress Kristina unexpectedly finds herself in a bizarre new career path: a clinical "dick fixer" in the wild, wonderful world of Los Angeles wellness. Armed with a jackhammer-like machine and an unhealthy dose of imposter syndrome, she dives headfirst into the intimate issues of hundreds of men, from famous Hollywood types seeking "enhancement" to octogenarians wanting to reignite their love lives. What begins as a desperate attempt to earn rent money soon transforms into a hilariously unconventional journey, as Kristina discovers that repairing broken penises and mending fragile male egos might be the weirdest, most rewarding way to confront her own messy grief, deep-seated daddy issues, and the comical absurdity of her own non-existent sex life.


As she navigates a parade of dicks (all shapes and sizes), accidental "taint zaps," and intimate confessions from her clients, Kristina realizes her new calling is far more than just a job; it’s a spiritual classroom. From counseling a man on mermaid roleplay to smushing a fly on a client’s erect penis, she collects a treasure trove of "you'll never believe this" stories, all while grappling with the confusing emptiness left by her estranged father's death and her own inability to ask for intimacy. Ultimately, through the raw vulnerability of these encounters, Kristina uncovers profound truths about connection, healing, and what it truly means to be whole, even if it means letting go of fantasies and embracing the wonderfully weird reality of a life spent, quite literally, elbow-deep in other people's problems.