No One Taught Me How to Be a Man

An exploration of manhood and what it takes to be a good man in a world of toxic masculinity, from trans author Shannon Kearns.

No one ever taught Shannon Kearns how to be a man. As a trans man, Shannon was presumed female at birth and constructed his relationship with masculinity after his transition, using bits and pieces he gathered from the world around him: male behavior, pop culture portrayals, and cultural expectations for men that seemed to be in the air he breathed. But rather than separating him from the experiences of cisgender men, Kearns's self-taught approach to masculinity connected him with other men in surprising ways. As he lived more and more in the world of men, he discovered that cis men's relationship to masculinity was similar to his. No one taught them how to be a man either. They worried they were doing it wrong. And they were almost universally worried about being "found out," exposed as not being a "real man."

In No One Taught Me How to Be a Man, Kearns takes masculinity head-on. He uses his experience to "see" gender in ways cis men cannot, making masculinity visible. Without arguing that masculinity should be done away with, or that there is no real difference between men and women, he bravely points toward a form of manhood built for the well-being of the world, and for people of all genders.