Cut the crap and cut to the chase with this fun self-care guide parody that features 150+ ways to actually live your best life.

Self-Care (n): The act of engaging in activities or behaviors that help one achieve or maintain good physical or mental health, especially to mitigate the effects of stress or trauma.

[Anti]Self-Care (n): The act of engaging in (potentially dangerous) activities or behaviors that help one achieve or maintain a good time, especially to mitigate the effects of being stressed the f*ck out. (Warning: may cause trauma).

Which sounds more fun?

It’s time to be selfish about our self-care and do things we actually want to do. Self (Don’t) Care isn’t anti-you—it’s pro-doing what you damn well please to feel good and enjoy life, rather than being told what’s right for you. So put up your feet, pick up a pint, and browse through these 150+ suggestions for letting loose—it’s the only self-care guide we all actually need.