How I Stopped Kicking My Own Ass

In 2018, Dan was riding high. He was a network news anchor with a bestselling memoir about how an on-air panic attack had led him to meditation and delivered a new outlook on life. But, when he signed up for something called a "360 review," from the people in his personal and professional life, he discovered that his journey had only just begun.

Friends, family, and colleagues described Dan as self-centered, high-handed, short-tempered, and dismissive. The report was so bad that it provoked him to launch a feverish investigation that ultimately led him to the last place he would've expected- self-love.

Many of us believe that we need a harsh inner critic in order to get anything done and even after years of meditation, Dan was still pushing himself too hard - engaged in the kind of optimization, hyper-productivity, and social comparison that is all too common.

But there is an answer: science shows it is possible to rewire how we talk to ourselves, which unlocks an upward spiral of benefits. Self-love reduces anxiety, regulates the nervous system, and makes you more likely to reach your goals. Crucially, it also improves your relationships with other people, which is the key variable for health and happiness.

Self-love isn't selfish, weak or narcissistic; it's a vital skill that prepares you to engage more effectively in a world on fire. And if Dan can learn it, so can you.